Living on an island has its perks. The community is small, which means there seems to be more of an ability to touch the lives that we share our space with. The island I live on has some of the most beautiful beaches on the East Coast, does its best to protect nature instead of raze it and prohibits neon. I have hundreds of acquaintances, people do me favors where they work because I serve them a drink where I work and we all get along pretty well most of the time.
Living on an island also has its drawbacks. The community is small, which means your business might not be as private as you wish it to be at times as well as subject to a vast expanse of gossip. Because it is so beautiful people like to come visit, in droves, at the same time of year, when it is the most hot. And strange places make strangers do strange things.
This is not a treatise on traffic tribulations, an essay on ethics or a conversation concerning conduct per se. It is simply a realization I had today and I felt like writing about it to clarify it as best as I am able.
I understand the concept that we have to share the world. Or so I thought. I say please and thank you for a service (pretty much any service), I turn my shoulder in a crowd of people and say excuse me so I don't plow into others, I use my turn signal, I don't stand in the middle of the aisle, I recycle, etc.
The other day I was out wakeboarding with my friends. The day was beautiful and I was growing frustrated. Another wakeboarding boat was following us around. A boat we didn't know. Following behind a skier is dangerous and stupid. If the rider falls and you aren't paying attention you could run over him and kill him. Wakeboarding in choppy water sucks because you can't set up your jumps or surface tricks properly. This was a fellow wakeboarding boat and should have understood the rules.
On our way out of the creek where we wakeboard there were two large boats anchored directly in the middle of the creek. It was high tide and we had enough room to pass, but it was high tide and they could have anchored to one side or the other. Just because your toy is the biggest doesn't give you the right to close your account on common courtesy.
I was pissed. My buddy told me to stop being pissed because there was nothing we could do about it. I told him I felt like being pissed and remained pissed. Who did I harm the most? Who did I frustrate the most? Who did I piss off the most? Me. Why did I take it so personally?
Yesterday I went out to get dinner with a friend. The first restaurant we went to was crowded and two people pulled into two separate parking spaces just as I was about to. Which just so happened to be the only parking spaces I saw were available. I even had one guy wave me off of the second one, like I was in his way. I found this quite audacious and frustrating. So I drove to another restaurant.
On my way to the other restaurant I had a car from Pennsylvania pull out right in front of me as I was going 45 mph. I had to swerve to miss the cell phone talking driver. As I pulled up to a stoplight a group of bicyclers, regaled in tour de france-esque garb, waved me to slow down because they wanted to cut in front of me and get over. And they wanted to get over now. I bit down hard on my tongue as I pulled up next to them so as not to blurt out how nice it must be to do whatever the fuck you want whenever the fuck you want regardless of who you are sharing the space with. (It probably didn't help that I was really hungry at the time.)
Yes. How nice it must be to do whatever you want whenever you want. But that is not the case. Because I must share my world with others. It is not my world. It is not my island. It is available to all and some people don't like to share.
And it dawned in my like a piano was dropped on my head. I was the one being selfish. Not the others. I was the one that wanted it my way and pouted or threw a temper tantrum when I didn't get what I wanted. I was the one acting like a naive, infantile jackass. I was a teenage kid pissing and moaning that the world was unfair because I had to come home at a certain time. I had no concept of reality.
The reality of the world is simple. Uncomplicated. We must share. The only thing that is uniquely ours, just ours alone, is what we create within ourselves. Our perspective, our attitudes, our thoughts, feelings and emotions are all ultimately controlled by one person, ourselves. That which bothers us is our own fault.
To take the world around us as such a personal affront is a sure way to let anger, frustration and even violence defeat compassion, empathy and patience. There's nothing wrong with wanting to change the world, just don't be surprised if there are people out there that don't see things the way you do. Which can make things seem complicated, and turn the illusion into a brick wall at times.
The only time I am bothered by selfish people is when their selfishness interferes with my selfishness. Otherwise, they are just living life as they see it.
I've tried to explain to others when they complain of selfishness that it is only seen as such because the complainer is being selfish, too.
Posted by: Patti | July 27, 2007 at 10:58 AM