I grew up in a family where the word "no" meant no. "No is an answer," was a mantra that I'm sure can still be heard late at night, when the earth is still, echoing softly down the hallways of the house my brother and I grew up in. It didn't mean stamp your feet and things will change. It didn't mean whine and you will get your way. It didn't mean pout and little "yes seedlings" will sprout into a big ol' "yes tree".
It meant "no". It meant "deal with it". It meant "Get outta my sight if you're going to cry about it".
I forget that other people didn't grow up this way.
When someone proposes something that doesn't agree with my sentiments, direction or intellect at the time, I say "no". And of course, since the word "no", when it comes from me, reflects how I grew up with the word "no", it means "no". It doesn't mean badger me. It doesn't mean piss and moan. It doesn't mean keep reiterating points of why I should say "yes". Because all that means is that most likely my "no" will turn into a "fuck off", we'll get pissed at one another and I will be viewed as a dick.
Now, I've been called a dick before and maybe sometimes I am. I'll admit I can be moody. I'll admit I can be unpleasant. I'll admit I don't have all the answers all the time. But, because I am stubborn- nearly immovable and often impassive- arguing with me on my "no" stance is futile. It only makes me want to say "no" further.
I hate being pressed. Which may be adolescent of me, but it makes me feel like I am being bullied. I made a choice that, after high school, I wasn't going to be bullied anymore. Bullies make me afraid. When I get afraid I get angry. When I get angry words get spoken or actions get taken that sometimes are not agreeable to all parties involved.
I also cannot stand whining, pouting and foot stomping. I wasn't allowed to get away with it as a child, I'm certainly not going to be too empathetic when an adult does these same things that I was punished for as a child. It just doesn't sit with me. Pull up your big person pants and deal with it. Simple. Uncomplicated.
I'm not defending my justification at saying no to a particular point. I'm defending my right to say no, and that no is an answer. And I am also adamant that, when I say no, I am not telling someone they cannot do something, I'm simply telling someone there is something I do not want to do.
Go forward without me if you wish. I won't mind. You certainly have that right. But, if you're going to stick around, for chrissakes, please don't pout, badger or whine. That's not fair. I'm hard, but I believe I am fair.
What do you think?