I've been having bad dreams again. At least that's what I think when I wake up. My sheets are soaked through with sweat. My entire body is slick with moisture. I'm cold and clammy. Anxious yet exhausted.
But I can't remember anything.
Now, before anyone reading this gets concerned or feels the need to comment solutions and remedies, relax. I'm okay. I may not know what I'm dreaming about, but I know what's causing the anxiety. It's happened before.
I used to have two recurring nightmares when this sort of thing in my life happened. One was being strapped into a roller coaster that always flew off the tracks near the end of the ride, killing us all. The other was where my teeth would fall out, painless but bloody. I would look in my hands and there would be all my crimson stained teeth... I could feel my lips floundering over my gums. Or I would choke on them.
In the roller coaster I was powerless- strapped in. I was on this ride that I didn't want to be on, and there was nothing I could do about it. When it came to my teeth I was losing my independence, my ability to feed myself. I was becoming ineffective.
Two totally different dreams with roughly the same message: loss of freedom. These dreams came when I was under immense financial stress a little less than a year ago.
I am under this financial gun yet again. Nightmares have made their return. I do not know if I'm dreaming the same dreams. As I said, I cannot remember anything when I wake up. I only know this: I was alright the first time. And I'll be alright again.
In the end they're just dreams. Dreams... ha. How simple in that complicated sort of way.