It's simple, in that complicated sort of way...

It's Been A Long Week

In the big scheme of things, I've got it good. I know that. I'm not starving (at least not yet), my house hasn't been flooded because of a busted levee and I'm not one of the 85,000 people who died in Myanmar's devastating cyclone.

That being said, it's been a long week. The move has been mentally and emotionally taxing and I am often reminded of one of my Nana's favorite phrases, "This too shall pass."

Lately I've been holding things too close to the bone. As I've gotten older, I realize that dealing with other people means dealing with an entirely new perspective on life. Always, even with like-minded viewpoints on almost every other worldly event, there will always be a fork in the road where one person would go one way and another person would go another. And nothing brings out those times like a stressful moment.

I have tried not to let my emotions get the better of me. I've tried not to take things so personally and be more business oriented about certain issues. But I have been frustrated this past week to the point of wondering if what I was doing (moving in with my obsessive-compulsive girlfriend, not telling my current roommate he's acting like the most selfish bastard in the world) was indeed the best option. Would it be better to pack up my surfboard, my passport, my computer and a few clothes and get the fuck out of here?

I guess I could do that, but I've never ran from a problem in my life. And once you start down that road I would guess it would be really hard to turn back. So I do what I always do, I put my head down and wade in until it's over.

The fact of the matter is, my girlfriend has her quirks. We all do. Everybody's crazy and our long-lasting relationships are merely about degrees of tolerance. When the dust settles, the house will be cleaner... both literally and metaphorically speaking actually. Which will be nice.

The fact of the matter is my roommate IS a selfish bastard. He always has been. His life is about convenience. I hope one day it will change, because I believe convenience can only lead to lonely and empty feelings later. He has a good heart and a sound mind. Wisdom is not beyond him.

The fact of the matter is this move isn't just about me. Wading in with open arms instead of closed fists will lead to a much more agreeable situation. A better life. I know that my emotions can get the better of me, which is the first step in controlling them. The first step to peace. Peace would also be nice.

Obstacles have never stopped me. They have merely been hurdles or stepping stones. And the reason is simple, in a complicated sort of way: this too shall pass.

Writeman.net Is Live!

Let's put the bankruptcy issue on hold and talk about the rebound. Because, as in Life, everybody gets knocked down, it's whether you get back up or not that makes all the difference in the world.

I've needed to update my copywriting website for some time. My cousin, Mark, did a phenomenal job for me a couple of years ago (and didn't charge me a dime... thanks, man) with the layout and design of my first business website, but I needed to refine the direction of my copy if I ever intended to grab some serious work out of this deal.

Hence the new look and feel at www.thewriteman.net.

To say that I'm psyched that the site is now live is an understatement. To say that it still needs some more "refinement" would also be an understatement. Nevertheless, I feel I now offer a much more confident voice and portfolio- aka. a product- which I can professionally deliver to potential clients. This, hopefully, means more work. Much more.

But, I need your help.

If you get the time, and have the inclination, please give my site a clicking through. If you see any problems or come across anything you don't understand feel free to email me about it (you can find my email address on the contact page) or comment on it here. Any critique or comment would be greatly appreciated.

As I begin to target advertising agencies from Charlotte to Tampa I am reminded of one glaring factor that I consistently preach and Life just reminded me of: keep it simple. Time rolls on. Fighting it is impossible. Accepting it, rolling with it, riding it to its inevitable finish is the only way to survive life intact.

And, to everybody who took the time to write me, talk to me, comment to me on my integrity issues from the post below. Thank you. I love you back.

My Bankruptcy Meeting

I've finally figured out what has been bothering me so much since my meeting with my bankruptcy councilor on Wednesday. And it's simple. In a complicated sort of way.

First off, my attorney was a real piece of work. He had no love for any creditor, credit reporting agency or credit institution. He told me my case is "pretty cut and dry." When somebody is truly fucked it usually is.

My best option was to file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Out of the five bankruptcy options available, three of them didn't pertain to me and 7 was my best bet. I could also keep some secured and unsecured loans if I wanted to. I told him all I wanted to keep was my truck and my laptop. He asked my how much each item cost. I told him. He told me to backup my files and get a cheaper computer.

He is a no nonsense guy. He has a sense humor and doesn't bullshit around. He is a busy man. He drinks Piggly Wiggle Diet Cola... I think he really enjoys giving The Entire System the finger. The fee for his services is $1800, payable by cashier's check, due upon arrival of my next meeting. Should I chose to come back. He "really should be charging me more... but, well... I mean [he is] getting me out of $2.5M of debt for $1800."

On my drive home I felt drained. It wasn't going to be the classes I had to attend now in order to prove to the State that I can manage my money properly. It wasn't the $1800, although that kind of money is a lot for me right now and my parents have, again, offered me a no interest loan. It wasn't all the papers and documents I'd have to find now or the drive to a Charleston courtroom. It wasn't the loss of all my furniture, my investments, my properties, my "retirement plan", my future or the thought of all that time and money that has been so injudiciously pissed away.

I didn't figure out what it was until right now. At 1:20 a.m., after watching the movie Michael Clayton with my girlfriend on a Friday night. It was the feeling that I've lost my integrity.

I hold my integrity dear. I have a symbol of it tattooed on my back (that way I'm reminded to carry it with me, as well as look for it, for the rest of my time on this earth.) And, with this bankruptcy, I feel I have lost some of it. I feel I have given up. I feel I have not honored my commitments. I have broken my word.

That is what bothers me the most.

So, I will sell out. I will go bankrupt. I have little choice. It's either do this or have foreclosure judgment after foreclosure judgment handed down to me. I was served with foreclosure papers for my home earlier today as a matter of fact. I am against a wall and I have fucked up royally. So I will sell my word and ask for a do over. 

Does integrity accept mulligans? I'll let you know. I hope so. It seems I need to look a little harder than just struggling to see the tattoo on my back.

Before I left council's office, I told my attorney that, of course, I had some considerations to sift through. He was polite, but added, "I don't care if you come back or not, I've got more business than I can handle already."

Free Credit Report.coms Aren't Exactly Free

I'm meeting with a bankruptcy attorney on Wednesday. I thought I'd bring him some proof of my dire financial situation. My credit report should provide ample resolve to perpetuate the dissolution of my means. (Translation: My late payments should explain why I'm proper fucked.)

I decided to pull up my credit score online. By law you are entitled to one free report per year. Sites like FreeCreditReport.com insist that they are there to help. Horseshit. They are there to make money just like everyone else.

If I used FreeCreditReport.com or FreeCreditReportsInstantly.com, and any other site like them, I found that I was immediately signed up for a monthly membership to the content they provide. A membership which seems to average anywhere from $8 to $15 a month. I could cancel my membership within seven days for no charge, or at any time of course.

On FreeCreditReportsInstantly.com I found, tucked away in their Terms and Conditions, how I would have to cancel my membership. I would have to MAIL in my cancellation request. Mail? No phone numbers? No button on the website, in this day and age, which says "No thank you, I would not like a membership at this time"? What a scam. It's the same principal as the "30 day money back guarantee". Most people don't do it because it's too annoying to find out where to return it, actually package the item for return and then pay for postage.

THE ONLY SITE I FOUND THAT WAS ACTUALLY FREE was AnnualCreditReport.com. It is "a central site that allows for free credit disclosure, more commonly known as a credit report, once every 12 months from each of the nationwide consumer credit companies." The site allows you to keep your social security number anonymous on your report and you are able to easily access Equifax, Experian and Transunion.

When you access each credit company you will be bombarded with memberships and deals you do not need, be wary of what you are clicking on. After entering the right answers to prove you are who you are with each credit company you are then able to access your reports. I printed out my Experian report. It was 28 pages long, which was way more ink and paper than what I wanted to donate to this little project. I wrote out my important Equifax numbers and for some reason Transunion didn't believe I was me and did not let me access my report.

Keep your head on a swivel out there. That's all for now. I'll let you know how my meeting went with the attorney in a few days. Keep it simple.

How Much Time Are YOU Wasting?

Yesterday I was at my part-time bartending job. I was filling ice buckets from the ice bin in the back of the restaurant when I looked up and saw a sign above the doorway. It was the first time I noticed it. It read: "Is what I'm doing right now getting me to my dreams?" I had never dreamed of being an Ice Getter so I had to answer, no.

I wasn't having that great of a day and, admittedly, I was feeling a bit pissy and shortsighted. You could say, in the long term, that doing this job I hated two days a week (bartending, for anyone in class who hasn't been paying attention) was going to hopefully one day get me to my dream of not having to do it any longer. If I saved up enough money, I should be relatively financially stable.

Ultimately, yes, this bum job was hopefully getting me to my dreams. It just sucked at the moment. But what is worth achieving that comes easily?

Right now, I am procrastinating. I have deadlines to meet but I'm not ready to battle the keys yet for meaningful article passages. It doesn't work that way for me. Don't get me wrong, writing doesn't come easy for me all the time, but I find when I'm really trying to struggle for an angle, the angle is usually trite. Who wants to be trite? Ever?

I thought I'd write here for a little practice and pose a question: What constitutes wasted time? And, by this definition, how do you measure up?

Don't strain your brain. Keep it simple.