You know that feeling you get when an idea or an action manifests itself into something you just can't ignore? Like, say for instance, when you realize what it is you want to do, or what it must feel like when you have a baby. (No, Dayna and I are not pregnant. Relax...) When something like this happens it seems as if you can actually feel yourself evolving. As if the energy of it is humming in your bones.
Please don't misunderstand me, I still don't really know where I'm going in this life, but I am lucky enough to realize where I've been... isn't that a line in a Bon Jovi song or something? And the past has indefatigably led me to the idea of where I want to be.
I feel like I'm leaving a lot of my past behind. I remember it, I've learned from it, I'm moving past it. Former friendships are slowly drifting away in this sea of change. It seems the new path I'm on has diverged and I must go where I feel I need to be. Some people can't or won't follow. Some people I don't want to. It seems like that is just the way of the things. It's nothing to fret over.
The ideas I have may or may not work out. I don't know anything for sure. But I do know this: it would suck not to try, and holding myself back with petty selfishness, laziness or cowardice is no way to live. I found a quote I like in The Four-Hour Work Week. (Actually I found a number of quotes I like...) It helps me work through some self-doubt and sideways stares:
"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose." - Steve Jobs, founder and CEO of Apple Computers
My journey toward my evolution still happens one step at a time, everything that happens along the way elevates my life to a life worth living- whether people agree with me or not- simply because I refuse to stand still.
The air seems fresher when you're moving with a purpose, however ambiguous that purpose may be.